Took a big, over year long pause from writing. When I left off, I was fundraising in order to drive 240 miles a week, taking my son Tage to the Brain Balance Center but shockingly discovered I was pregnant with child #4 instead. I was too overcome with fatigue and vomitting to do much of anything. I knew deep down in my gut God had another child in store and I deeply deeply wanted another girl. I had one, seems like giving her a sister and evening out the score seemed only fair. And it was my heart's desire. God hasn't healed Tage, surely He would cheer me up with another girl. He did not.
I have learned, that it isn't so simple as a straight, (albeit, rocky storm laden) journey for God to fulfill His promises to us, and He doesn't give everyone what they want. Some people get what they want. No everyone. Not me. He had other housekeeping matters to attend to in my soul. A sin I didn't even realize was there, was a deeply rooted hatred towards a family member. Humbled to a watery puddle, that hatred was broken and healing ushered in. A true deliverance, a miracle in itself.
God also taught me, that He can't be manipulated by my prayers, bible verse memorization, stubborn, determined faith. He works things out in His timing and in His way.
Another lesson, I've been so busy taking Tage to specialists, getting various tests done, etc I was in a way, escaping. It has been too hard to look at my son and his disability in the face and love him anyway. Yet love heals.
The way I am stepping out in faith now is pursuing God's call on my life in the entertainment industry, love Tage for who he is now and continue to obey, discerning the how, what, where by God's grace and leading.
That's it in a nutshell. By the way, we named our baby boy Declan which means full of goodness. And even though we didn't get what we wanted we all love him to pieces, of course.