I have settled into a groove, despite the storm ravaged sea of a journey. Despite the set backs, disappointments and heartaches. I can have fun, smile, be sociable. But make no mistake my heart isn't breaking it's broken. I'm coping best way I know how and I have joy in the process. I've learned to marry the two, joy and broken heart. When I smile and laugh and have a good time, I'm not cheating on broken heart. The two can coexist.
Like any scandalous love affair, there's a third party, hope. People can handle the marriage between joy and sadness okay, but as soon as hope arrives on the scene, things can get tense. Some well meaning people get uncomfortable around hope because they make the false accusation that I'm in denial, or guilty of inviting hope over to stay but excluding acceptance. Yet if acceptance wasn't present all along, I wouldn't have been the warrior I have been for Tage. I wouldn't have appealed not only his school, but the regional center too. I didn't accept false platetudes, I fought for him to get the support he truly needs.
I won't ask hope to leave, not now, not ever. I will shrivel and shrink myself down. I'll move into a cramped quartered yet beautifully simplistic nest and transform into a baby bird. Starving, open beaked and crying-demanding for the great Eagle Father to feed me. Crows give hallow half truths or cunning lies but the Father gives rich satisfying wisdom, with a generous side of knowledge, and I'll wash it down with understanding. I'll continue to grow strong, and soon, very soon I'll leave the nest and start to soar. The once storm laden, choppy waters will be as still as glass. I will be courageous in the face of things that once frightened me. I will take delight in the events I once took for granted. I will be light and airy versus burdened and shut down. Maybe I already am, or at least on my way. This trial will be over. Not kinda sorta done but completely OVER. Perseverance will have finished it's perfect work, and I'll chant, no I'll SCREAM the happiest word I'll ever know, VICTORY!
"For the Lord gives wisdom, and from His mouth come knowledge and understanding. He holds victory in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless....Then you will understand what is right and just and fair-every good path. For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul." Proverbs 2:6,7,10
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