“…yet in the midst of all this darkness I see some people who will not be bound. I see some people who will not give up. Even when they know all hope is lost. Some people who realize that being lost is so close to being found…you, (Colleen), you are the reason I still have faith.” Angel Michael from the movie Legion
I took my kids to vacation bible school (this past summer) at the preschool my daughter attended. I signed my son up when he became of age until the mass confusion set in. Our train derailed and I was rudely led down the track of IEP's and special education which also meant bureaucracy. Cold, hard, unfeeling and unmoved bureaucracy. Needless to say he never attended the preschool. Sitting with my son during VBS in the worship room because he was overwhelmed and tantruming while other parents stared, I was my usual stoic self, strong but hurting. A song began to play, a children's worship song about faith. Pressing on despite the storm, we're not to walk according to our circumstances but by our faith. I can't help but feel that children's song was being sung for me. (I searched and searched for that song since then but haven't found it, I settled for Jeremy Camp).
Just a few weeks prior to VBS, Tage had a terrible reaction to a medication and although it helped him and we saw some promising changes, he began to have side effects that terrified me. My boy in all his sweet, gregarious personality, and completely normal as a baby, started disappearing, and I couldn't see him anymore other than the occasional glimpses here and there. But now after the reaction to the meds-he was completely gone. Before this incident the above quoted scene played from the movie Legion. The Lord knew I needed it. And just like my Moby Dick post, I saw this specific scene many other times. My husband even commented about my timing with the TV.
I am like my friend who couldn't bear the thought of her premature son dieing in her arms, I can't bear the thought of Tage never returning to me, even though he had to go away a while, I know it is so God can mightily use him somehow as an adult. He will help other kids and their families, I know it. So for now, I'll press on in faith, trusting, and hoping. Below is a copy of my facebook post.
