Dead Ends

The roller coaster stopped and I had no choice but to get out, the ride ended. All of out efforts, old ones and new ones, dead ended. I exited the roller coaster with hands raised in surrender. What I thought was soon to be deliverance, to be celebrated at Tage's 6th birthday was not to be. But at his 6th party, maybe an even more important event took place, I gave my battle cry. It is one of faith.

I took my kids to their first day of school and wound up confused and frustrated, do I wait with the other parents as the flashes on the cameras go off, as their children are called up one by one to join their teacher and go to the classroom. What about me? Do I follow the same protocol if my child is in special education? I asked a couple of times before school started. Today I had to flag the principal down twice, I wasn't given right information. I walked with the other parents out of the cafeteria, but broke off and entered a different building. The walk was isolated and lonely. I don't think the school even knew what to do with the "special" kids.

Make no mistake these are not words of complaint nor defeat. God is up to something. My circumstances are still hard and dreary, because I am still in the fog of darkness, residing in a locked prison. But my prison is one of hope, I know this is God's doing, so His glory may be revealed on earth as it is in heaven through my family.

I AM a prisoner of hope. I don't always know what hope means. I've clearly learned our deliverance is in God's timing and in His way. All I can do is roll the confusion onto the promise in Malachi 4:2. I still see yellow cars/cabs as a sign of His Sun rising with healing in it's wings in Malachi and His light breaking through like the morning in Isaiah 58:8. Another verse divinely shown to me is in Job 33, God doesn't want me (or anyone) to be pit dwellers. His trials and tribulations, disappointments and heartaches, for me at least, are His way to refine and transform. I cannot deny it is working.

"We put our hope in the Lord. He is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. Let Your unfailing love surround us, Lord, for our hope is in You alone." Psalm 33:20-22

"Yes God does all these things to a person-twice, even three times-to turn them back from the pit, that the light of life may shine on them." Job 33:29-30

"Genuine faith also looks up and sails, by using God's great Son. It never travels by seeing the shoreline. earthly lighthouses, or paths along the way. And the steps of faith often lead to total uncertainty or even darkness and disaster, but the Lord will open the way and often makes the darkest of midnight hours as bright as the dawning of the day." from Fays of Heaven upon Earth taken from Streams in the Dessert

Comments

[Tracy]

The best part of all this is...you do not stand alone. You don't fight alone. You are NOT alone. Reaching out is the hardest yet greatest thing you can do at this point, and I am so thankful to be at your side - taking up arms - and fighting/praying for His glory. LOVE YOU, LEEN. xoxo

[Leze Schirmer]

Hey Colleen, I just stumbled upon your blog and spent the last 90 minutes enjoying your archived entries!
My son Christian(10) is autistic and since you also have a special son, I can truly identify with you.- What does parents, who do not have the Lord in their lives,do?!
If you would like to talk, email me: schirmer@telkomsa.net
(I live in Cape Town, South Africa.)