It's been a while since I've written, the roller coaster ride of this journey is full of ups and downs. Tage refused to ingest the Agape supplement for several weeks. I grew frantic, putting some in his food, he started refusing his food. I thought once the Agape arrived it would be smooth sailing towards recovery. It has been anything but, and I've been weary.
My BSF (bible study fellowship) leader prayed the Holy Spirit would impress upon Tage the importance of ingesting the Agape (I can't blame him for refusing it, it tastes awful), that he'd be encouraged to take it knowing it would help him. Almost over night there was a miraculous turn around and Tage now takes it with a smile. Every time, he smiles when he swallows it. A true miracle.
But I haven't seen progress. One day in particular, I was serving at Kid's Church, and the weight of the world was obviously on my shoulders. It is hard for me to to make friendly small talk when I get in that place. A woman I don't know well, but like, sensed my discouragement and said it takes time for it to work. That helped lift my spirits a bit. There was no teaching leader available that day so the kids all sat down for a Veggie Tale movie. I know the timing was perfect. In one of my earlier posts I wrote about a battle cry of praise coming forth from my mouth to bring the walls of Jericho down. The "walls" of Tage's injured brain, the misalignment of the neurological pathways leave us helpless in our circumstance, but bold with our God. The Veggie Tale movie was about Jericho, seeing the vegetables march around 7 times then scream, it was humurous, but also profound knowing God was reaching me through that cartoon.
Recently, the Lord sent us to a Child Psychiatrist referred by the specialist who is providing a "cast." A broken arm gets a cast so the bones can heal, the meds prescribed by the doctor will serve as a "cast" in a sense to allow for Tage's brain to stop short circuiting and for inner healing to take place over time. I know we are on the right track, evidenced by the intense amount of spiritual warfare I have been under. I thought since the appointment was yesterday I'd get some relief but I was wrong. I awoke unusually early today and now I know Jesus wanted me on my knees before I got on with the day. I didn't, and it hurt!
Despite the warfare, God's presence was so close during our drive to the psychiatrist. I kept noticing yellow cars ahead of us, and when I started to get worked up (there were several things going on that day, essentially boulders being thrown in our path so to speak) my attention would be brought (this happened twice) to a yellow (yellow has become symbolic of the Sun rising with healing in its wings) cab next to us with the words Yellow cab. It brought my mind to the verse "Your light shall spring forth like the morning, your healing shall spring forth speedily, and your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard." (Isaiah 58:8) Those yellow cabs, to me, were God's presence (light) paving the way, letting me know He is with us.
The doctors office was decorated with all things yellow, ducks, flowers, butterflies...my attention was brought specifically to a row of yellow flowers with a purple butterfly (my favorite color) on top, symbolizing mine and Tage's metamorphosis. I am not the same person, for that I am thankful.
Tage has started a low dose of meds. I continue to be a prisoner of hope with audacious faith. When we arrived at the doctors office and parked the car, I looked back and Tage was looking straight at me with a distinct smile I've never before seen. That night when we put him to bed, he was holding a toy car in his hand, he unclenched his fist and I noticed it was a yellow cab!
"As for you, because of the blood of my covenant with you, I will free your prisoners from the waterless pit. Return to your fortress, you prisoners of hope; even now I announce that I will restore twice as much to you." (Zechariah 9:11-12)
