Plunder Toting Turtle on a Fence

I'm a turtle on a fence.  Soft green vulnerable flesh inside a hard, rock like shell.  Danger is near retreat!  I am safe in here, but it is dark.  I am peeking at you from the bottom corner of my shell.  But you don't see me.  I whisper and you look my way, seem perplexed but just for a nano-second and you go back to your regular business. I make a bolder move, my peeping game of hide and seek is not working.  Alas, I try too hard and I am on my back, legs and arms flailing.  I feel stupid.  More than stupid.  Worse.  I feel shame.

I am a shark now roaming the oceans.  Fierce stealthy eyes darting back and forth.  You cannot frighten me anymore.  I am a giant exploding with rage.  One false move or hurtful thoughtless remark and I will devour you. But I don't.  I never really would except maybe those closest to me including myself. 

I remember Dave.  "A Child Called It," Dave.  He was just trying to fit in but didn't know how to, would say strange, inappropriate things and get beat up.  He tried imitating his foster sisters, they seem to know how to socialize.  Got beat up for being a "queer."  Studies Clint Eastwood and mimicked his growl, rumbly voice.."you feeling lucky, punk?" Got beat up again for being weird.  I wonder what the bullies think now?  Do they know he was trying to survive?  Do they know his was the 3rd worst case of child abuse in the nation at the time?  Do they feel remorse, or do they bury their nose in their business and disregard any and all deep introspection.

Dave seems to do well.  Written several books, a spokes person for foster care, he is inspiring.  He did it with the help of Jesus.  He is a turtle on a fence, he didn't get where he is now by himself.

As for me the shark and turtle have reconciled and made peace with wisdom as the mediator.  Grace leads the way.  Traveling with sorrow and agony make the trip seem like a nightmare at times, but hope lights the path ahead.  The treasures of darkness adorn me.  I am a turtle on a fence with a bag of full of plunder.  Stop by and say hi when you see me.

 

 

 

Comments

[Laura Perone]

We all need a turtle's shell for protection at times. The beauty in you is that you are learning to put it down and walk with vulnerablity, full exposure. Keep walking toward the Light, Leenie!