Alligator Juice

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow

Movies speak to me.  Honestly, it's a spiritual experience.  Finding Nemo, Pinnochio (already mentioned dozens of times).  My heart has been plucked out of my chest, attention grabbed and deep truths have ministered to my soul (really!) from certain films such as Tangled, and a classic I saw several times as a child but just watched again with my daughter, Annie.   

Zipping across the lake on a sea doo was a serious thrill.  I loved it.  I was hooting and hollering, couldn't go fast enough.  It was exhilarating and freeing.  But it wasn't  mine, and I had my friend's older brother on the back, I could only let myself enjoy it for a moment and I didn't dare abuse my time allotted.

Wrestling with my neighbor friend in my parents room, I had the full freedom of being rough and tumble playful and silly with her.  She was right there with me, in the moment.  I laughed in hysterics, so did she.  I said something nonsensical, so did she.  "I'm gonna drink alligator juice"!  I froze.  And the moment was lost.  I didn't know what to say.  If I could go back in time, we'd promptly set forth making alligator juice together, non stop sillies galore. 

Tangled, not just by her hair.  Her "Mom" not her Mom but her captor.  How could she know?  She was a brilliant manipulator, tangled her in her lies.  Until the symbol of the sun finally reminded her she is a princess, not meant for captivity but for freedom and love. Let the lies you've believed die to dust as did the wicked woman from Rapunzel. 

Annie could have believed she was only an orphan and only worth an "orphan" life when she visited Mr. Warbucks' mansion.  Yet if she was passive and timid, only clinging to the servant's broomstick, she wouldn't have relished the warm bath, new frilly girly clothes, decadent food, and mostly the pure delight and loving affection of her adoptive father. 

Bummer on earth we're always going to have to have the heavenly with the fleshly.  But I want to live in such a state of knowing the sun will come out...even though "yesterday was plain awful" being adopted into God's kingdom He provides the sun and His Son, so "I don't need sunshine now to turn my skies blue, I don't need anything but You." 

 

 

 

 

 

Plunder Toting Turtle on a Fence

I'm a turtle on a fence.  Soft green vulnerable flesh inside a hard, rock like shell.  Danger is near retreat!  I am safe in here, but it is dark.  I am peeking at you from the bottom corner of my shell.  But you don't see me.  I whisper and you look my way, seem perplexed but just for a nano-second and you go back to your regular business. I make a bolder move, my peeping game of hide and seek is not working.  Alas, I try too hard and I am on my back, legs and arms flailing.  I feel stupid.  More than stupid.  Worse.  I feel shame.

I am a shark now roaming the oceans.  Fierce stealthy eyes darting back and forth.  You cannot frighten me anymore.  I am a giant exploding with rage.  One false move or hurtful thoughtless remark and I will devour you. But I don't.  I never really would except maybe those closest to me including myself. 

I remember Dave.  "A Child Called It," Dave.  He was just trying to fit in but didn't know how to, would say strange, inappropriate things and get beat up.  He tried imitating his foster sisters, they seem to know how to socialize.  Got beat up for being a "queer."  Studies Clint Eastwood and mimicked his growl, rumbly voice.."you feeling lucky, punk?" Got beat up again for being weird.  I wonder what the bullies think now?  Do they know he was trying to survive?  Do they know his was the 3rd worst case of child abuse in the nation at the time?  Do they feel remorse, or do they bury their nose in their business and disregard any and all deep introspection.

Dave seems to do well.  Written several books, a spokes person for foster care, he is inspiring.  He did it with the help of Jesus.  He is a turtle on a fence, he didn't get where he is now by himself.

As for me the shark and turtle have reconciled and made peace with wisdom as the mediator.  Grace leads the way.  Traveling with sorrow and agony make the trip seem like a nightmare at times, but hope lights the path ahead.  The treasures of darkness adorn me.  I am a turtle on a fence with a bag of full of plunder.  Stop by and say hi when you see me.

 

 

 

Mighty to Save

"It's going to be okay".  Tage repeats lines from movies/lines from songs at times I know God is "speaking" through a boy who can't yet speak. We've had Finding Nemo to communicate God's powerful truths, and now there's the classic movie Pinnochio.  Pinnochio just wanted to be a real boy.  Tage is being denied "real boy" life right now, but it's all there, underneath everything.

"Prove yourself brave, truthful, and unselfish, and someday, you will be a real boy." The Blue Fairy

My dear friend noticed disturbing behaviors and a blank look overcoming her 6 year old son which caused great concern.  After a lot of prayer and counsel she pulled him out of school.  Her declaration after a heartbreaking display of defiance was, "my boy is back."

I will say that someday.  I do however have a new normal with my son.  My new normal is not being able to connect with him on a deeper level.  I am being denied knowing what he thinks, how he feels.  I know he likes pancakes, and cheeseburger with french fries.  But what scares him?  Does he like ....(ok I just have to digress, I just glanced at the TV and there was another motorcycle with a Victory logo on the side of it, remember my last post?  Wow thank you Lord).  It is deperessing to lament, so I just move forward.  I am starting Tage on a new supplement regimine.  3 new supplements to be exact.  I am currently giving and only in posession of 1 out of 3.  Detox.  3 drops in the morning, along with all the others I mix in his pancakes.  I buy 2 boxes at a time I go through them so fast.  I like the multi grain mix from Trader Joes. 

I was on my knees at 2 different prayer groups praying for Tage.  One of the women said a song was coming to her mind as she thought about Tage.  Mighty to Save.

At the other prayer group, again on our knees, my friend said, a song is coming to my mind...( I was tempted to freak her out and start singing the song mighty to save, I just knew it was probably the same song).  Yep, Mighty to Save.